.*.Snow.*.

Maybe it's this winter gloom that we seemed to be stuck in, or maybe its the pressure of doing well in school.  Either way, it felt like I was burried under the snow.  So much has happened lately, it feels like a blur.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm dreaming.  I keep hearing about all these deaths, sicknesses, and suicides... and one of my very good friends has just been diagnosed with an aggresive form of cancer and his chances of surviving it are not that great.

It's times like these where I just stare and the sky and wonder what's going on with the world.  We may struggle but the earth keeps turning, the snow keeps falling.

I've realized that I can choose to either sit frozen under the snow, or I can dig myself out and breathe fresh air.

Everyone has their own troubles, some worse than others.  But it is how we react to our troubles that defines us as strong or weak, happy or lost.  I have decided to be happy and positive, and now I am that much stronger.  The weakness that plagued me before diminishes every day, and I can feel my stress fading, just as the snow beings to melt.

I'm smiling all the time, taking deep breaths and letting the wind mess up my hair.  I'm eating healthy foods that make me and my body feel good.  I'm pushing myself to work out often.  I'm saying hello to as many people as I can.  I'm trying my best in school, studying and preparing.  I'm trying to go the extra mile at work.  I am making time for family, playing with my brother, shopping with my mother, and talking about my future with my father.  I am learning to accept myself.  I am opening up to others, and laughing more.  I'm looking forward to spring, but at the same time I am enjoying myself now.  I have mourned the deaths of the people I knew but I have learned from them and I know they would want me to help others instead of sitting there in a daze.  I am helping out with a huge fundraiser for my friend with cancer.  We're going to save him.

This change in my attitude has already brought me many good things.  I've gotten a raise at work and I have been praised by my supervisors and my boss.  My mom and my aunt have helped me to lose ten pounds in just three weeks.  My grades are improving.  With the help of my dad, I've been applying for scholarships like crazy and things are looking good for me in terms of going to college.  I am finding more and more things I like about myself and also more things about myself that I can work to improve.  I feel great, and I haven't been sick at all.  Also, more guys have approached me lately thanks to my newfound confidence. :)

I just wanted to feel good, and now I do.  All I did was try.  I had everything I needed, and so I acted upon it.  But let me tell you, I'm just getting started.  The snow is melting, the fog is clearing.  I'm waking up to spring.  The warmer it gets, the better I feel.

I had first hoped that this post was going to be beautiful or poetic, but it ended up being more like a personal motivational ramble. :)  Anyway, thanks for listening.

Stay strong and breathe, life's too short to dwell on the bad things.  There's so much goodness in this world, you just have to look for it.  It's time for spring.

.*.Together.*.

When I'm alone, I feel fine.  I am my own company.  I can sit and think about so many things so that I never grow bored.  I can amuse myself easily.  But being around others can be just as wonderful to me.

With my mom, I can be honest, and laugh and complain (oops) and talk to her about things I talk about with no one else.

With my dad, I can have these amazing, complex conversations about the most random things, like politics, sunsets, or weedkiller (ha!).

With my brother, we make up silly little jokes and talk about funny old memories, like the time we decided to cut eachother's hair when we were only in kindergarten, or the time we spent a whole day trying to fix a closet door so that we wouldn't get in trouble (hehe).

With my friends, I feel so at peace.  They make me laugh hard and smile so much that my cheeks hurt, but it's worth it for how happy they make me.  We remember inside jokes, quote random things, and share deep thoughts :).

With my family all together, we build each other up and do fun little things.  We all go outside and plant flowers together.  We take ridiculous pictures.  We give each other gifts and cook meals together.  We take walks every week, the four of us, together.

With someone I've just met or don't know very well, I also have a good time getting to know them.  I ask them about their likes or dislikes, and find things we have in common.  That one little smile we exchange can start a whole new friendship.

With anyone, anywhere, I can enjoy myself so much.  No one is perfect, especially not me, but I like to see our imperfection as what makes us unique, and not boring.  It would be so boring if everyone was perfect.  Having flaws gives you something you can work towards improving, and that can be fun.  You can feel accomplished, and proud of yourself, and a little bit stronger.

Embrace your strengths, find the beauty in others, and try your best to be happy no matter who you're with, because sometimes, all we need in life, is to have a little fun, together.

 :¨·.·¨:
  `· B E C C A

.*.Comfort.*.

We've all had our troubles
Our painful struggles
That haunt us from time to time
But some have it worse,
And experience pain,
So much pain,
That the others
Just don't understand.
How to help them?
These weary people
Who've gone through so much
Every day is a challenge
When you fear and ache the minute you wake.
I know people
Who have felt great pain
And the suffering may never end
So what do I do?
What to do
Running in circles,
Clutching my head
Every tear they shed,
Every sad word they utter
It breaks my heart
Deep inside.
To them I can't show it
Can't let them know it.
That I just don't know what to do.
Knowing they are suffering deep inside
I can't help them
I feel so useless
Wanting to bring them the happiness
I know so well
But how?
How?
What do you do
When you know so little
About how to comfort someone
How to make them happy
How to take away their pain,
And give them something nice for a change.

:¨·.·¨:
  `· B E C C A

.*.Dance.*.

Five, six, seven-eight.  I draw in a breath.  Starts with a breath, ends with a breath.  The lights are all off.  The gentle, yet powerful music begins to play.  I lift my leg and step forward to the subtle beats of the song.  I pay attention to the slightest movements of my shoulders and chest as I focus my strength on my legs.  I leap and spin across the wood floors of the dance studio.  I keep my eyes forward so as not to lose my balance as I spin from one leg to another.  Turn, turn.  Another breath, leap.  Put my weight on my right leg, kick up my left, point my toes.  Lengthen my arms, extend my fingers.  Close my eyes.  I spin and spin.  I'm in another world now.  I can't hear the music anymore.  I can only hear my breathing, barely controlled as I gain momentum, gliding across the floor.  My heart pounds, my pulse in my ears.  Muscles tighten and release with every movement.  Feel the strength.  Don't forget to breathe.  Roll my shoulders back, toes curled in.  Straighten my legs.  Step, step.  The air glides over my skin in quick currents as I move.  Keep my balance, focus.  No room for mistakes.  Right, left.  Lift, land.  Spin again.  Slow down.  Right leg out, gently, then crossed.  Extend my arms, spread my fingers, close my eyes into the final pose.  The music, now only forgotten noise in the background, tinkles to an end.  I stand unmoving in the final pose for several more seconds as I am surrounded by a growing silence.  I hear my pulse slow down.  I feel my muscles relax.  I catch my breath and stare at my reflection.  After a few more seconds, I release.  My arms fall slowly to my sides.  My legs uncross.  I stand in the silence.  I feel strong, empowered by the dance.  Right before I quietly exit the room, I take one last deep breath.  Starts with a breath, ends with a breath.

:¨·.·¨:
  `· B E C C A

.*.Ocean.*.

Ocean

Sweet, so sweet
Taste the beach,
Smell the sea
Sit with me
Breathe in deep
Watch the waves
Sing goodbye
Seagulls fly
Shake the sand
Feel the wind
Close your eyes
No more lies
Sun sinks low
Colors burst
Just you and me...
By the sea.

I love the beach, the ocean... The smell of saltwater filling your nostrils, the image of the endless expanse of glistening blue water, the sound of the tides rolling up the shore, the taste of fresh ocean air, the grainy white sand that sticks to the bottom of your feet, the strong, constant push of the waves against your ankles, knees, waist... I can't wait to go back.  :)

:¨·.·¨:
  `· B E C C A

.*.Innocent.*.

I wrote this poem today... I don't really understand it myself.  I don't know who its about.  I recognize some things about me in there, but there some things that aren't related to me at all.  So what does it mean?  I have no idea.  But overall, I'm pleased with it, I think... :)

Innocent Girl

Innocent girl,
She sits on her bed
Her life so perfect
Her problems are dead.
Innocent girl,
She's been blind
Surrounded by others
The past is behind.
Innocent girl,
What can you do?
So many troubled people
Are now surrounding you.
Innocent girl,
Don't fall down
Your life is perfect
Please don't frown.
Innocent girl,
With dreams to tell
Give them the happiness
You know so well.
Innocent girl,
It's time to stand
Help those sad souls
Go take their hand.
Innocent girl,
You were useless before
It's time to help others
You're not so innocent anymore.

:¨·.·¨:
  `· B E C C A

.*.Puddles.*.

I carelessly stamped my feet around in the puddle of rainwater.  It rippled and sparkled as the last remains of sunlight reflected off its shimmering surface.  I blinked in surprise as I felt the cool water of the puddle splash against my bare ankles and toes.  That's what I get for wearing flip-flops.  "Whoa, cold!" I exclaimed.  My brother turned to me and rolled his eyes, our dog's leash gripped firmly in his right hand.  "Then why are you splashing around in it?" he asked.  I shrugged with a smile and continued to make ripples with my feet in the puddle.  "It feels good in a way," I finally replied.  He sighed and went on walking with our dog, leaving me behind for a minute.  I smiled to myself even more as I took in a deep breath while standing in my puddle.  I could smell the fresh mountain air that I had become accustomed to.  It's an indescribable scent.  The smell of pine, wind, and rain filled my nostrils.  Wonderful.  I exhaled, feeling better than ever.  I looked up at the afternoon sky.  Fluffy gray clouds as far as the eye could see.  I silently pleaded for the rain to start trickling right away.  I looked back down at my puddle and saw my smiling reflection staring back at me.  This is a special kind of happiness I'm feeling right now, isn't it? I thought to myself.  "Rebecca!"  I heard my brother call.  "Coming!" I shouted back.  I hopped out of my puddle and jogged down the sidewalk, feeling absolutely at peace.

I love taking walks. :)

:¨·.·¨:
  `· B E C C A